It’s 21:24 and I am watching the Olympic Games Opening Ceremony. So far I have watched a lot of men in top hats and tails doing a sort of synchronised ‘digging’ dance. A bit similar to the one in the video for that classic 80s song ‘The Safety Dance’ by The Men Without Hats. Only this one wasn’t as good. It looked like they had lumbago and were reaching down to fish out some money they had dropped down a drain.
Then we had Daniel Craig escorting the Queen through Buckingham Palace. Why? Had she forgotten the way after all these years? They then boarded a helicopter together and there was a shot of Daniel looking down and smiling at the two corgis that were left yelping on the front porch. It was moving. Not moving in the way that Sawyer and Juliet spend three years living together in Lost, before forgetting they did live together, and then remembering it all again.
However, the best was yet to come. Suddenly, from nowhere, a huge number of nanny’s appeared on stage and started dancing. Now this was interesting. I was actually becoming slightly aroused. The sight of a group of women, of all different shapes and ages, in classic 1940s ‘Nanny’ garb, dancing around and showing off their petticoats and black woollen tights – this was something I felt was sorely missing from The Shining. And yet here it was, in the London 2012 Olympic ceremony.
Quite explicably (nothing was inexplicable any more), a melody of Mike Oldfield songs began, performed by a band full of unknowns. The guitarist, chugging away at the solo to the theme from The Exorcist, looked like Michael Landon, star of Little House on the Prairie and Highway To Heaven. I pointed this out to a friend, who told me that the Michael Landon look-a-like was actually Mike Oldfield. I wasn’t embarrassed by this as I frequently mistook Lesley Judd for Kylie Minogue.
Then we had Sir Tim-Berners Lee, inventor of the World Wide Web protocol. He appeared on a chair, sat at a table, playing with a computer. There he was, sitting in this vast arena, with thousands of people in the audience clambering to get hold of him and rip off a bit of his shirt as a memento. He didn’t invent the internet mind you. Get your facts straight on this one. He only invented a ‘protocol’ for information sharing which he called ‘Wuh-wuh-wuh’ or WWW as we know it today.
It’ s now 22:15 and I still have another two hours of this high octane entertainment-fest to sit through, so I will update this blog in due course…